Choose Your Own Adventure

You are a goat. You are in a barn in Northern Ireland. It is night. Your owner, Mr. McGillistein, has just finished his sixth pint and he's stumbling around inside the barn singing "Oh lordyyy I can't bake a caaaake, Oh lordy I can't bake a caaaaake". He's been singing this for over fifteen minutes now and you are getting rather annoyed. You:
A) Run at him at full speed and knock him over, causing him to pass out for the rest of the night.
B) Play dead until he gets close to check on you and then bite off his naughty bits, once and for all.

If you chose A. You charge at him at full speed. He falls in pile of hay against the barn wall. Thud. He moans "caaaaaaake" and rolls on his side. He puts his hands under his head and begins to snore. Peace until morning. Huzzah!!!

If you chose B. You lay down and whimper, then roll on your back like a roach. You are fake dead. It takes McGillidrunk 26 minutes to notice. You know it's been 26 minutes because you have a special digital goat clock implanted in your ear. It tells you what time it is every five minutes. It's so cool. McGillistein crouches down next to you and says "Oh, litter feller, what happ-----" You quickly go for his crotch and take a big bite. His screams reach London. He grabs a knife from his back pocket and slits your throat. You stop biting and go limp. You are real dead.

The End