I am very sorry everyone but my cat ate Sarah Palin. She will not be able to be the Republican vice presidential nominee anymore. It happened last night when Governor Palin appeared at my doorstep selling polar bear skins. I said I didn't need anymore polar bear skins, but that Sarah was tough and would not take no for an answer. She pushed her way into my apartment and said,
"I really think you should buy one. These beautiful bears were killed in the great state of Alaska."
"Guess I'm all skinned out." I told her.
And then my cat jumped up on the table, opened her mouth, and swallowed Governor Palin whole. It happened so fast I couldn't believe it. The whole thing is still kind of a blur.
Monday, September 15, 2008
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Cat Becomes new GOP VP Nominee
Republican Presidential Nominee John McCain announced yesterday that a cat is his vice presidential candidate. At a rally in Dayton, Ohio, McCain introduced his new running mate to a large crowd of enthusiastic supporters.
"It's not from these parts, and it's not from Washington. But when you get to know it, you're going to be as impressed as I am. It's got the grit, integrity, good sense and fierce devotion to the common good that is exactly what we need in Washington today. My friends and fellow Americans, I am very pleased to introduce to you the next vice president of the United States--a cat."
Since McCain's announcement, Democrats have been heavily criticizing the cat, named simply, "cat" for having no domestic or foreign policy experience, in addition to not being able to speak.
Senator Barack Obama's campaign manager David Plouffe offered this statement:
"He has chosen a what?!?!?"
Senator Obama commented on the VP pick, while campaigning in New Hampshire.
"I think it's going to be clear to the American people that this cat is just more of the same."
After being introduced in Dayton, the cat was placed on the podium and licked itself for 12 minutes before jumping off and hiding under the stage.
"This cat is the absolute best choice to reform government and keep America safe." McCain told reporters after the rally.
McCain supporters are already showing their extremely favorable attitude towards the cat. Janine Carlson, a McCain supporter at a Columbia, Missouri rally said,
"I like the cat. I feel like I can really relate to this cat because it kind of looks like my cat. Except my cat is orange and a little skinnier."
During an interview with 60 Minutes correspondent Steve Kroft, McCain was asked what domestic and foreign policy experience qualifies the cat to be vice president. McCain replied,
"This cat has lived in a house where there was a television. And therefore this cat knows more about television, news and policy than anyone. It is far more experienced with every issue than the whole Democratic ticket."
Democratic VP nominee Joe Biden dismissed McCain's comment saying,
"I have a cat at home and I sure as hell wouldn't trust it to do anything more than sh** in a box."
The cat has yet to speak in front of supporters, but it did issue this statement today:
"Hissssssssss!!!!!!!!! Reowwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!"
"It's not from these parts, and it's not from Washington. But when you get to know it, you're going to be as impressed as I am. It's got the grit, integrity, good sense and fierce devotion to the common good that is exactly what we need in Washington today. My friends and fellow Americans, I am very pleased to introduce to you the next vice president of the United States--a cat."
Since McCain's announcement, Democrats have been heavily criticizing the cat, named simply, "cat" for having no domestic or foreign policy experience, in addition to not being able to speak.
Senator Barack Obama's campaign manager David Plouffe offered this statement:
"He has chosen a what?!?!?"
Senator Obama commented on the VP pick, while campaigning in New Hampshire.
"I think it's going to be clear to the American people that this cat is just more of the same."
After being introduced in Dayton, the cat was placed on the podium and licked itself for 12 minutes before jumping off and hiding under the stage.
"This cat is the absolute best choice to reform government and keep America safe." McCain told reporters after the rally.
McCain supporters are already showing their extremely favorable attitude towards the cat. Janine Carlson, a McCain supporter at a Columbia, Missouri rally said,
"I like the cat. I feel like I can really relate to this cat because it kind of looks like my cat. Except my cat is orange and a little skinnier."
During an interview with 60 Minutes correspondent Steve Kroft, McCain was asked what domestic and foreign policy experience qualifies the cat to be vice president. McCain replied,
"This cat has lived in a house where there was a television. And therefore this cat knows more about television, news and policy than anyone. It is far more experienced with every issue than the whole Democratic ticket."
Democratic VP nominee Joe Biden dismissed McCain's comment saying,
"I have a cat at home and I sure as hell wouldn't trust it to do anything more than sh** in a box."
The cat has yet to speak in front of supporters, but it did issue this statement today:
"Hissssssssss!!!!!!!!! Reowwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!"
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